So, the quadrennial simulation of democracy in the USA is getting underway, and personally, I couldn’t be happier. It’s been a challenging few years for unincorporated political satirists like myself. The roll-out of the new global-capitalist totalitarianism hasn’t been particularly funny. In fact, it has been extremely not funny. Squeezing a little humor out of it has been like trying to suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
Not that the New Normal Reich is history … on the contrary, it is just getting started. Yes, the shock-and-awe campaign is over. It’s been over for the better part of a year. We are deep into the mistakes-were-made/limited-hangout phase of the changeover. Nothing can stop or reverse it now. The implementation of the new official (i.e., Orwellian) reality is a fait accompli. What actually happened has been memory-holed, forever, supplanted by stories of censorious “bad apples,” “overreactions,” lab leaks, and so on. Those who are old enough will recall this phase from the aftermath of the US invasion of Iraq. It’s going pretty much by the numbers.
Which … fine. That “reality” stuff was ruining my shtick. No one wants to be told that they’re the victim of an elaborate PSYOP, which is what I’ve been doing for the past three years, with one demographic after another. First, I alienated most of my friends and colleagues, and even family members, by challenging “The Science” (which has now been debunked) and opposing the transformation of the planet into a pathologized-totalitarian police state. Then, when I warned people about Elon Musk and the whitewashing of Twitter, or X, or whatever we are calling his Chinese-style “everything app,” which, if Elon has his way, we’re all going to “live on” in the visibility-filtered, advert-saturated, dystopian, global-capitalist future … well, that pretty much did it for the rest of my audience.
Not you, of course … the other rest of my audience. See, part of the genius of the New Normal Reich is how it has completely polarized society. It has systematically divided the masses into two irreconcilable warring camps, both of which demand absolute conformity to their dogma from their respective members. That isn’t to imply that there’s parity between them. The one camp, “the New Normals,” is backed by state and corporate power. The other camp, “the anti-New Normals,” is not. It’s no secret where my sympathies lie.
The problem, for me, is, I don’t do well in camps. Any kind of camps. I’m not a camp person. I have an aversion to self-appointed leaders, or an oppositional-defiant disorder, or something. Or maybe I’ve just seen too many movements congeal into irrelevant countercultural ghettos where people blow off steam in a virtual vacuum and get preyed on by hucksters and ten-cent gurus … or 240-billion-dollar gurus.
So, screw it, I’m going back to comedy, or at least I’m going to give it a try, and the upcoming US election season should provide me with the perfect material!
For example, this piece in The New Republic about the horror a new Trump term would bring. It’s basically a “Return of the Revenge of the Curse of the Bride of the Son of Hitler”-type piece … you know, like one of those 1970s Hammer horror films with Christopher Lee.
That’s right, he’s back … Trumpenstein, the monster! It’s the Second Coming of Literal Hitler! Vladimir Putin’s personal cock holster! The pussy-grabbing Destroyer of Worlds! According to Brynn Tannehill and The New Republic, it is “goodbye NATO … goodbye democracy!” Hello to the new-and-improved Trumpian Reich!
To folks who know their 20th-Century history, the story-line will be eerily familiar. Like Hitler returning from Landsberg prison, where he wrote Mein Kampf after the “Beer Hall Putsch” …
“[Trump] is coming back with the entire conservative apparatus at his back, having spent four years in the wilderness methodically planning how to permanently alter the political and legal landscape of the country to favor an anti-democratic minority.”
Apparently, Trump’s evil master plan this time revolves around reinstituting “Schedule F” for federal employees, which would allow him to fire anyone with “policy-making authority” and replace them with hate-crazed Nazi fanatics. Brynn explains the utter horror this will lead to.
“… a Trump administration would replace vast swathes of the federal government bureaucracy with sycophants and ideological fellow travelers bent on implementing pro-corporate, pro-religious, and anti-minority agendas. This weaponizes the entire federal bureaucracy against women and LGBTQ people.”
Shortly thereafter, the genocide will begin.
“The right intends to use every power of the government to eradicate anything it considers woke, particularly transgender people.”
According to Brynn, once Trump has mass-murdered all the transgender people, and the gay people, and women, and presumably the Jews, and African-Americans, and whoever else he’s planning to mass-murder, he will fire and replace all the generals and admirals, arrest all his political and personal enemies, and declare himself American Führer for life!
And so on. I think you get the idea. The most powerful propaganda machine in the history of propaganda is revving up again. It’s going to be a year-long Two Minutes Hate, with Donald Trump playing the part of Goldstein. The message is, Trump, and his master, Putin, and THE FORCES OF UNSPEAKABLE HITLERIAN EVIL, and Covid, and global boiling, and whatever, are slouching toward Washington to DESTROY DEMOCRACY, and, this time, they’re not screwing around! The only way to prevent the Trumpocalypse will be to visibility-filter the hell out of everything (except, of course, for free-speech Twitter), lock down everyone when things get unruly, and just basically go full-blown totalitarian again. It won’t be very difficult to set in motion. All they will need to do is get Rachel Maddow to shriek “IMMINENT COVID GLOBAL-WARMING INSURRECTION!” and the New Normal masses will strap on their masks and start clicking heels and following orders.
Seriously, they’re already breaking out the Trump-is-Literally-Hitler routine, and the official election season hasn’t even started!
Selfishly speaking, I can’t wait for it to begin. The global-capitalist ruling classes are not going to let him win again, but they’re clearly preparing to whip the masses into a full-blown frenzy of ass-puckering PARANOIA and MINDLESS HATRED of anyone even marginally deviating from official ideology, and I plan to milk that show for as many laughs as possible. I may not be able to stop what’s coming, but, in the immortal words of a very drunk Jim Morrison, I just want to get my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames.
Of course, I’ll probably be doing that in my new accommodations in German prison, where I’ll be serving time for comparing the roll-out of the New Normal to the rise of Nazi Germany. For those of you who think I’m joking, I am not. I am under criminal investigation in Berlin for comparing New Normal totalitarianism to Nazism, which, comparing anything to the Nazis is strictly prohibited in Germany … unless, of course, you’re comparing Trump to the Nazis, in which case, that’s fine …
… or, as the Germans like to say, in Ordnung!
###
CJ Hopkins
July 31, 2023
DISCLAIMER: The preceding essay is entirely the work of our in-house satirist and self-appointed political pundit, CJ Hopkins, and does not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Consent Factory, Inc., or its staff, or any of its agents, subsidiaries, or assigns. If, for whatever inexplicable reason, you appreciate Mr. Hopkins’ work and would like to support it, please go to his Substack page, or his Patreon page, or send a contribution to his PayPal account, so that maybe he’ll stop coming around our offices trying to hit our employees up for money. Alternatively, you could purchase his satirical dystopian sci-fi novel, Zone 23, or Volumes I, II, and III of his Consent Factory Essays, or any of his subversive stage plays, which won some awards in Great Britain and Australia. If you do not appreciate Mr. Hopkins’ work and would like to write him an abusive email, feel free to contact him directly.
Consent Factory, Inc. 
If Flossenburg is sill available you can have your name added to the distinguished prisoner guest list that includes Admiral Wilhelm Canaris, Major-General Hans Oster, and Pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
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The Devil Rides Out but with TrumpHitlerSatan while on a two way radio with the Putler live at the Moscow pee pee suite as they control the orbital inflation lasers!
I think we’re going to need a bigger popcorn tub.
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Anyone who still reveres Drumpf is just the opposite side of the coin from those who still love Biden, a sort of non-thinking automaton running on emotion only, with no cognitive process whatsoever
If the two of them are the best the US has to offer in 2024, might as well pack it all in now
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After all: Q-Anon was right all the way. Only the time path differs…
A storm is coming…
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If life in Germanistan is soooooooooo bad, then why not go back to Slumville, USSA, the cause of more misery for humanity than any abomination ever? Juss askin’ fer a friend.
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“…it has been extremely not funny.”…but this is very funny, I mean your writing. Looking forward to your columns about the election.
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Love the satire, as always. Or is it realism? I get confused by words these days.
Being in the west coast hell-hole known as Seattle, I do have a front row seat to Trump Derangement Syndrome, and the Kovidian Klown Kult (“KKK”) orchestrated by Bill and Melinda.
I’m nearly giddy these days. Call me a crazed optimist, (that would be one of the nicest things anyone has called me in three years), but it sure seems to me like the house of cards erected by today’s KKK is in tatters, teetering on the edge of a WTC 7 collapse.
The KKK, ESG, DEI, LGTBQIAPQW+, WEF, BLM, ANTIFA, and woke liberal democrats shot their wad. Too many people can see the absurdity. No, not the college educated crowd. The regular folk who actually do the work in this country.
Trump will be president. RFK, Jr. will probably be the Attorney General.
You think it’s a coincidence Hollywood is on “strike”? The propaganda machine got put in time out.
Tucker Carlson is dropping red pills to the normies like Rick James at an all-night party.
Disney is reviled now by too many parents. The Sound of Freedom is a box office smash, DESPITE the attempts by the MSM to trash it.
“QAnon” is a COINTELPRO fabrication. There were: 1) Q drops, (which I have read most of and have found to be both prescient and accurate), and 2) there were “anons”—regular people—who read the drops and did research. Then the anons posted their crowd-sourced research all over the internet.
Of course, the anons got de-platformed between 2018-2022. But most have been able to get back on Twitter and share their research. Is “X” perfect? Of course not. But there has been much progress in the last year.
Keep up the great writing. You’re a little pessimistic, given the progress, but I’ve been far more pessimistic than you at times. I get it. It’s actually helpful to hear you articulate the pessimism we all think and feel. Stay real, bro. LovYa.
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The so-called journalism of today is making saints out of globalist psychopaths, terrorists and war criminals!
Remember, politics is not our soul, it is the dirtiest game that journalists continue to propagate in people”s minds.
It is absolutely necessary for politicians to be made clearly aware that they are not the people of wisdom, and that they are destroying the destiny of our nations, that they are only the servants of the people, their role is that of a functionary.
Why do you go on bothering about politicians?
More than fifty percent of your energy is wasted on those whose life span is mostly only four years.
Tomorrow they will be forgotten.
They are exactly like your newspapers.
Yesterday”s newspaper is just as useless as your politician of today.
Why give so much importance to momentary things?
The time is ripe, for journalism to become the beginning of a new era of exposing all of the dark criminal truths of politicians.
The alternative media is showing the way forward.
Push politics as far back as possible, to the last pages of your newspapers.
Journalists should be able to bring to the public news of the people who are fighting for unpopular causes, because the unpopular causes are the future freedom and dignity of humanity.
Journalists fighting for the truth, tooth and nail.
Bringing the truth, without any fear of any vested interest.
But what a weak humanity we are, we are not willing to remember and fight for the courage and freedom of all whistle blowers and truth tellers.
We must fight for the end of all persecution and imprisonment of Julian Assange, Edward Snowden, Gonzalo Lira, Chelsea Manning and so many others.
I enjoy immensely, seeing just one journalist who can put the whole world on fire, without having any dynamite in their hands, exposing all of the politicians with the power of their words and the truth.
Politicians are the lowest kind of criminal as far as consciousness is concerned.
They are clever, they are cunning, they are mean, too, and they make every effort for a single goal, how to be more powerful.
Their only desire is for more power, not for more peace, not for more being, not for more truth, not for more love.
And what do you need more power for?
To dominate others, to destroy others.
The apocalypse is coming for humanity, thanks to these saints!
All power it seems always accumulates in the hands of unconscious people.
It is our own stupidity for allowing this to continue.
Man’s consciousness has not grown with the same pace as his scientific progress, and that has been the cause of all the old civilizations destroying themselves.
There was no outer cause, no outer enemy, the enemy was always within man.
He created monsters as far as machines are concerned, but he himself remained very retarded, unconscious, almost asleep.
And it is very dangerous to give so much power to unconscious people.
The same is happening today with A.I.
When this civilization is destroyed, people may think it was a natural calamity.
It is not.
We have created it.
Why give so much importance to momentary things?
The politician is not interested in solving problems, they are interested in making them as complex as possible.
So they become absolutely essential; you need them always.
They want to keep you always afraid of their nuclear enemies, China, Russia, Iran, so that you always need your leaders, whether they are of any worth or not.
In times of war, whoever is in power they feel should be given total support, because it is a question of defeating the existential crisis that they have created.
The cunning politician always keeps every country always in crisis.
The globalist legacy news media is not even interested in reporting who is the worlds greatest terrorist threat, because it seems, nobody is interested in the truth.
Piers Morgan isn’t!
Do you have any awareness?
It is the politicians of both parties in the US/UK.!!!
A tremendous struggle for a great revolution in human consciousness is needed, and everybody is called for that revolution.
Contribute all that you can.
Your whole life has to be given to the revolution.
You will not have another chance, another challenge, for your own growth, and for the growth of this whole beautiful planet.
This is the only planet in the whole of existence which is alive; its death would be a great tragedy.
But it can be avoided.
You have to become the soldiers for this revolution to avoid the criminal forces, the evil forces, which are getting ready to destroy us.
Religiousness is the only antidote?
Religiousness means giving importance to something which is a permanent value, which gives life, light, intelligence and guidance forever, which is eternal.
Eternal values constitute spirituality, momentary values constitute politics..
Religiousness does not mean any kind of fanaticism.
Politics and religiousness are just polar opposites.
Religiousness simply means you have to spread the basic fundamentals of intelligence, love, light, life itself.
An authentic spirituality will be without any adjective.
It will teach only the essentials of religiousness.
Unfortunately the West is programmed only to believe in a superstition based organized so-called religion.
That has been their choice for centuries, and they are suffering because of it, badly suffering.
So many people are in psychoanalysis, so many people are inside psychiatric hospitals, so many people are going insane, committing suicide, murdering, doing things just because they find life so meaningless, so useless.
Religiousness is the very meaning of life.
Without a soul, you are just a walking corpse.
A brain dead zombie!
And without religiousness, all education, journalism, are only rotting corpses, they stink.
If we can create a different kind of journalism, which is not dominated by politicians, but is inspired by its wise people.
And you can remain absolutely certain that the wise people of any country are not going to fight in the elections; they are not going to beg for votes from the masses.
So the wise people by their very nature remain out of power.
It should be one of the basic functions of journalism to bring the wise people and their wisdom before the masses, into the light.
Politicians should not be paid too much attention, it is dangerous.
They should be ignored as much as possible.
They should be paid attention only when they do something which is authentically good.
Journalists should not be afraid of anybody; you are not dependent on anybody”s votes.
You should bring truth to the people.
That just a few bad people have been ruling the whole of humanity, and millions of good people, seeing destructiveness, seeing violence, seeing criminality, just remain silent.
They don’t want to get involved in any trouble.
The bad people are in search of trouble; the good people avoid trouble.
We have to learn one thing, and that is, to fight for the truth, fighting for that which is beautiful, fighting for that which is good, otherwise there is no hope for humanity.
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Oh goodie!!
Let’s think and talk about politicians (in general) and Trump (specifically).
I’d rather think and talk about communities living by agreed-upon rules instead of mind-control (the literal meaning of “government”) by executive authorities.
But sure, it will be a nice distraction to read some humorous satire instead of the official reality given to the masses being fait accompli.
When it comes to the accepting the rule of the powers that be, TINA.
PS ~ I would rather post here than on Substack.
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